Friday Night Lights

Juliet took an extra few seconds to gather her thoughts, but just ended up looking deeper into the night sky and taking another sip of wine. The wine was very good. She always could trust Alyssa with anything from choosing the wine to share on her terrace under the stars every Friday night, to her darkest secrets.

A - So? What do you think?

J - It's dangerously delicious and I'm glad you only brought one bottle.

A - If you don't answer my question, I will get the other one currently hidden in my handbag out, then we will both be in trouble.

Juliet sniggered, Alyssa was always quick to quip in return.

J - What do I think is our purpose?

Juliet paused and took a larger sip of the surprisingly bubbly textured red.

J - Well, I don't think life inherently has a purpose. With that said, I think overcoming adversity and suffering can give life purpose.

A - I agree, however my problem then lies in that I have such a logical mindset and intense understanding of life's futility, that bar severe instances nothing really bothers me.

J - Surely that's a fantastic thing, it means you can live life borderline worry-free?

A - You would assume, but it results in my life having no personal purpose. I feel like I can do almost anything, yet there is nothing I really want to do. It's because of this that I don't know how to make myself happy. I spend a lot of time helping or pleasing others. Very few conversations I have with people genuinely interest me, because they are often so surface level. It's part of the reason I love you.

Juliet jumped inside a little and looked up at Alyssa, she hadn't realised she was looking down, perhaps dry January had affected her tolerance this year. She did feel a little drowsy, and they had only been on the terrace drinking for perhaps half an hour. She looked into Alyssa's eyes, they seemed bottomless. She felt as though if she were to throw a thought into her soul, it would never reach the bottom. Alyssa had never said she loved her before, but she knew she meant it as a friend, and it was always understood. Juliet loved her too, after all.

A - I don't like pretending, I don't like playing along with society as if we don't all know deep down the reality of life, and I don't want to do it.

J - Then don't pretend, I know you and you have never cared what anyone else thinks.

Juliet questioned whether she had slurred the words she had just spoken.

A - I want to go as deep as you can possibly go on existential and moral questions, in every subject, in every way.

J - That's just not practical.

A - I want to ask the hardest questions, doing away with the social limitations we have all restricted ourselves with.

J - But people like to live in ignorance of this because it's impossible to overcome. People want to float on the surface and breathe the clean ocean air, not drown staring down into the dark abyss below.

A - Well, I don't understand why everyone else wants to live on the surface. We are all sad, lost, lonely animals filling our lives with distractions attempting to live in the ignorance you suggest. I can't bring myself to conform. I don't like what society has done to mask these feelings underlying us all, it's not good enough for me. I can't ignore it, but I'm trapped inside of it and told by everyone else to live by it to achieve happiness.

J - Aly, how long have you felt like this?

Juliet wasn't sure if she had even spoken, Alyssa took another sip of her almost empty glass whilst staring out over the view of the city lights, and continued as if she had heard nothing.

A - It's not like being on the surface of the ocean, it's like society is trapped on a tiny iceberg while I explore the ocean. None of those trapped on the surface can hear me, they just see the bubbles float to the surface or my head pop-up for air when I'm forced to. They are all comfortable just breathing the oxygen of blissful ignorance.

J - You say that as if the people on the surface were imprisoned there, they want to be there!

Juliet definitely spoke aloud this time, although she wasn't sure if the words she spoke quite matched what she thought she had prepared in her head.

A - It's exactly like imprisonment Julie; everyone is working toward having a bigger, better jail cell with nicer things. I don't understand why no one wants to escape.

Alyssa turned away from the thousands of lights before her and turned to look straight at Juliet.

A - Why am I the only one who wants to escape?

Juliet tried to think clearly, she felt confused by Alyssa for the first time and didn't know what to say. This was the first time in recent memory she felt like she just needed to shut down and go to sleep and it had come at a time her friend needed her most. Surely she hadn't drunk enough to feel this way. As she realised her eyes had begun to close, the blurry image of Alyssa's teary face faded to black. She felt a brief rush of air followed by an intense cold all throughout her body. Juliet, unsure if she was even conscious or talking anymore, gave her last thoughts to Alyssa.

J - Alyssa, the only way to overcome this is to surrender to the real world. You must use this vessel of flesh, blood and bone to experience as much pleasure, joy, and happiness as (quite literally) humanly possible. Even if you hate the players, you can't change the game. So play. Live.

Alyssa looked down at Juliet's body on the terrace floor. She seemed so peaceful. She knew Juliet loved her too, and would do the same for her. She downed the remainder of the wine left in the glass, placing it neatly on the coaster to her side before bending down to stroke Juliet's hair and kissing her lightly on the forehead. She knew she would do the same for her if she understood. If only she understood. Alyssa leaned forcefully against the railing. "You can't deny the view though" she muttered under her breath, before turning around and leaning back over the railing, to feel one last intense moment as she flew through the night sky. Finally falling into a peaceful state of mind.